Today we're staying at the Hazelton, wherein we meet Drake and Guy Fieri, and take a sweet little Yorkie to dinner.
Picture it, Toronto, 2012… the new iPhone 5 has just come out, Gangnam Style is about to become the first video on YouTube to reach a billion views, and an 18-year-old Bieber is in town playing a sold out show at the ACC. The Biebs will delight his Toronto audience when he brings hometown hero Drake onstage as his surprise guest. Across town I have just co-chaired Mount Sinai Hospital’s annual fundraiser, with Guy Fieri as MC.
The Mount Sinai after party is held at One, the luxe restaurant on the main floor of the Hazelton. We are having a wild time with Fieri and his posse when 3 men walk into the bar. As they approach I say a big (slightly tipsy) hello. The guy in the middle offers his hand and we shake. “Hi, I’m Aubrey.”
I say hi back and introduce myself, shaking the hands of the other two guys, who seem to think it’s funny when I ask their names. As they all walk past me I wake up. Holy f that was Drake. I run over and get in front of him.
“Would you like to meet Guy Fieri?”
Drake smiles wide and nods. His guys, it’s obvious now that they are security, dressed all in black and jacked, don’t smile, but they nod assent. I take them over to the table where Fieri is holding court and make the intro.
Fieri jumps up and says, “I’m gonna teach Drake how to cook!”
We all think this is a great idea and head to the kitchen. They are quickly given chef whites and Fieri gets to work tossing stuff in a pan. I do not have the new iPhone 5 yet, but I do have a strange rectangular digital camera that kinda looks like a walkman. I whip it out of my bag and start snapping away. This contraption freaks out security and they tell me to leave. When you see those images online of Aubrey and Guy cooking together, know that I captured them with my caveman camera. That clunky tech got me booted from the most epic cooking lesson of our times. When the people who write the history books come calling I can say that I was the brave woman who introduced a pre-Started From The Bottom Drake to a pre-Grocery Games Guy Fieri.
Was I the catalyst that brought these two megastars together right before they created some of their finest work? I think we can safely say yes.
And now that you’re firmly ensconced in some Hazelton lore, let’s get down to it.
Welcome
The concierges on the desk are all graduates of, Les Clefs D’or. Never heard of it? It’s only the Harvard of the concierge world. The training is evident in their friendly faces, because no one takes the guest experience more seriously than these folks, they also do it naturally, with no trace of snobbery or artifice. Guillermo the doorman is straight out of a romcom; chummy and genial, with a blinding smile. As my husband Kerry hands off our vintage Benz to the valet, a flurry of vehicles pull up; a Bentley, a Rolls, and a Ferrari. Never forget this place is luxe, it’s high end, it’s a Forbes 5 star honey. It’s in the heart of Yorkville after all, but it’s so welcoming it takes me aback. Shouldn’t these people be giving some of the attitude I have grown to expect from my multiple viewings of Maid In Manhattan (aka the greatest hotel movie of all time)? There’s none of that though. Smiles abound.
This must be how Aubrey feels everywhere he goes.
Pampering
Forget everything you thought you knew about massage when you enter the Valmont spa. There’s a Valmont in all the top cities; Paris, Tokyo, Munich, Shanghai, etc, but this is the only one you’ll find in Canada. Part of the hotel’s 2019 renovations, by everyone’s fave design firm, Yabu Pushelberg, this spa is snatched. The treatment itself is neither a typically languorous spa massage or a strictly therapeutic RMT massage. It straddles the two, making for a best of both worlds scenario that feels incredibly luxe while also giving the kind of deep healing pressure that loosens even the most rock hard trapezius, an ailment that afflicts all of us social media junkies. Anita is a true healer with the coiled strength of a king cobra and the mesmerizing voice of an enlightened guru. Think Chuck Norris and Tara Brach rolled into one. I find it hard to form sentences for at least an hour afterwards. That’s where the steam room and the salt water pool come in.
Suites
In your room you’ll find loads of closet space, custom built super deep tubs, floor to ceiling mirrors and plenty of glittering black marble. One of those TV screens embedded in the bathroom vanity lets you watch People’s Court from a bubble bath (bubbles by L’Occitane). The robes are a plush terry so thick they could do double duty as a heavy blanket. There are dog treats for Dr. Nut the Yorkie, also a dog bed, but he is a true diva and only sleeps on the finest of discarded socks. On the coffee table is a buffet of fruit, charcuterie and fresh homemade doughnuts. It’s almost too much. But this is hotel life; get used to it gurl.
Dining
That evening in the dining room, as servers parade past bearing platters of lobster, caviar and adorable mini birthday cakes, we order the rhyming throuplet. Don’t worry if you’ve never heard of it, I just made it up. Namely, a martini, a sashimi and linguine. The martini is gin, the sashimi is albacore, and the linguine is shrimp; a trifecta of hotel classics. There is also a Cucumber Basil Gimlet, a juicy fresh NA cocktail made with their own version of limeade.
To ensure we’re maintaining a balanced diet we also get the seared Hudson Valley foie gras with mini waffles. Dr. Nut eats a nibble of the warm waffle and gets so fevered over the scent of the foie he has to go back to the room to calm down.
In Closing
In the morning Dr. Nut appreciates the room service when it arrives. A table is wheeled in with a bud vase sporting a fresh lily and two place settings. From a hot box beneath the table, the porter pulls out a stack of fresh fluffy pancakes, hot blueberry scones, a plate of thick cut bacon, and a shakshuka; two perfect eggs poached in a tomato and pepper sauce. Before leaving he flicks an infinitesimal speck of lint from the pristine white tablecloth.
Berobed in plush terry cloth, and with a trapezius as soft as a child, I pick up a buttermilk pancake with my hands and eat it Pretty Woman-style. Sunlight streams in through the windows as I toss Dr. Nut a piece. He lets out a yip for sheer joy.
❤️ ain't no massage like a Valmont Spa massage
❤️ the dog-friendliest hotel in town
💔 no club sandwich on the room service menu, but they will make you one if you ask