What’s your pillow preference? Are you a bamboo girl or a sokabawa baby? Do you long for a body pillow to wrap yourself around like a boa constrictor, or are you more of a hypoallergenic microfiber with the feel of down kinda person? Well, The Ritz-Carlton has a pillow menu y’all. Hotel Diaries is getting some beauty rest at what just might be the most famous hotel brand in the world. Celebrating the finest hotel experiences, this column is only concerned with highlighting the most unique and incredible places to lay your sweet head.
Wherein we have a TIFF encounter with George Clooney, Ryan Gosling and Angelina Jolie.
Years ago, a friend of mine, let’s call her Ray, got a job in the kitchen at TOCA inside the freshly minted Ritz-Carlton hotel in Toronto, which had opened just in time for TIFF. One night the kitchen got a panicked request from a publicist. A cluster of VIPs were on their way and a rush order of h’or d’oeuvres was required stat! With the kitchen mostly closed for the night, the chefs got to work.
Pulling off gourmet miracles with absolutely no notice is actually the unspoken top requirement of chefs the world over, and on this night it meant that they had plattered delicacies ready in record time. Because of the late hour, a full complement of floor staff was unavailable so the cooks were required to bring the food to the private party room themselves. Rushing to get everything in place before the guests arrived, Ray entered bearing a heavy platter of exquisite comestibles, she almost bumped into some clod who wasn’t looking where he was going. Narrowly averting disaster she was just about to reprimand this imbecile, only to lock eyes with Canadian sweetheart Ryan Gosling. He smiled, said “Sorry” and stepped back to let her pass. She felt the beginnings of a cardiac arrest as she hurried past him to the long table set up for canapés.
Finally arriving at her destination, she put forth the large platter when a hand reached out and grasped the edge to guide it safely onto the table. Her eye noted the hand, up the wrist to the impeccable white sleeve peeking from the midnight blue suit, and all the way up the arm to its owner, whereupon she took in the full glory of Mr. George Clooney. “These look great,” he said. Brown eyes dancing above a charming grin. Wow. Ray was going to need a defibrillator any minute now. The room was filling up fast. She had to quit with the swooning and get back to the kitchen. The rest of the h’or d’oeuvres weren’t going to plate themselves. She turned to race back and in her haste bumped into someone else. This time none other than Angelina Jolie sheathed in a floor length Vivienne Westwood ballgown. What the hell? Ray apologized profusely to the towering goddess, before hustling back to the kitchen to fully freak the f’ out.
Let's Exfoliate
As soon as we check in at the Ritz-Carlton we go directly to the spa. I am looking for A-lister level treatments and I’m not disappointed. I’m whisked off for some top tier exfoliation. The botanicals are botanicking (it most definitely is not a word, sue me) all over my dried out peasant body. Tayah is in charge of giving me the myBlend Energizing Body Treatment. She looks about as forceful as a kitten, but she exfoliates me within an inch of my life. Even my thoughts are clean by the time she’s done.
My guest, Arlene, is getting the myBlend Essential Touch Facial. The tech used during these treatments includes a ColorBlend LED Mask, a WaveBlend Vibration Technology Machine, and a non-invasive ‘cold’ Cryotherapy Device. Arlene and I walk out of the spa literally looking like dew-kissed angel babies. I’m on a natural high (read stoned out of my mind after being non-invasively cryotherapied and slathered in gorgeous lotions) as I flop onto a chaise poolside and lay there like a sack of potatoes.
You have never seen a better looking sack of potatoes in your life.
The Rooms
It’s worth noting that the Ritz-Carlton claims to have an employee turnover rate of 20%, which, if true, is quite impressive in an industry where that rate usually hovers around 70%. The Michelin Guide’s Toronto Ritz profile has some strange reviews; Mike compliments the HVAC (which, if you’re not an air conditioner repairman you can be forgiven for not knowing stands for Heaving Ventilation Air Conditioning), saying that it’s the best he’s ever encountered. Then there’s Thomas who notes that the hotel is “kind of old looking.”
Considering the Ritz-Carlton Toronto was only built in 2011 and renovated in 2020, Thomas has some exacting standards for what constitutes old. I only point those out to show that customer reviews are 90% hooey and to say that my experience at the Ritz-Carlton in Toronto not only felt fresh and current, but Mike was correct, the temperature was always exquisite. And I’m a temperature queen! The minute I sweep into a room I’m wrassling with the overzealous AC before I do anything else. No need at the Ritz though, where the room temp is luxuriously just a little bit warm, all the better to strip down and jump into bed. This is a hotel room, not a cheese cave. And these sheets are 400-thread-count Frette Linen.
The Food
As for the cheese cave, they have one in the dining room at TOCA restaurant (tucked away on the upper level of the main floor). If you want to build your own, I hope you have a quarter mil. This gorgeous little room with the $250k price tag is the only cheese cave in a hotel in the entire country. The cheese selection is lovely sure, but we dare not get distracted.
We’re at TOCA tonight for the Chef’s Table experience, which will include two very specific must try dishes; the Caramelle Pasta and the Risotto Fagiano. First, squid ink pasta in the caramelle shape, so called because it looks like a wrapped caramel. Cute! This adorable package is stuffed with lobster and prawn and served napped with the silkiest lobster bisque. The whole thing is saved from being utterly too unctuous by a garnish of citrus-zested toasty breadcrumbs. Do I need to tell you how gorgeous it is? If George Clooney was reincarnated as a dish of pasta this is what you’d get.
The Perks
After a night surrounded by every pillow in the known universe, I pay a visit to the Club Lounge. This is how breakfast should be done; a garden of earthly delights laid out for the taking. No conversation required and the coffee hot and ready. Fresh squeezed juices, breakfast pastries, a silver domed chafing dish of crispy bacon. The Ritz logo on everything to remind me I’m kind of a big deal. And if that isn’t enough, this is where they keep all the hotel minis – baby jars of Bon Maman jams and marmalades, baby Nutella, baby Tabasco, even baby Heinz!
In Closing
I started this column for a number of reasons; because I love hotels and spas, of course. But I’m also a sucker for sparkly chandeliers, fluffy robes, polished service and gargantuan bouquets of flowers. But mostly, if I’m honest, in my heart of hearts, I’m doing it for the minis.
❤️ the dreamiest terry robes with the silky lining
❤️ Club Lounge features apothecary jars filled with mini chocolate bars
💔 no club sandwich on the room service menu